Can I be completely honest with you? I struggle most days to get out of bed. It’s no secret that my depression has a little to do with it, but I don’t think that is the only reason. On a daily basis it is easy for me to wonder what my purpose is. I am very blessed by the life that I have. I am married to a wonderful husband, we have 4 amazing kids, and I get the privilege to stay at home full-time. Even after all of that, I still struggle with purpose. I want to share a little of what Jesus has been teaching me through all of this.
Isn’t it exciting when you have something to look forward to? The anticipation of what is coming is one of my favorite things. Waiting can seem long, but then whatever it is I was waiting for is finally here! Then in a flash it is either gone, over, or the excitement wears off because I already have what I was waiting for. Instead of appreciating what I received or experienced, I usually am looking around to see what else I have to look forward to. The next big thing.
If it wasn’t clear enough, there is a pattern. I have been spending years living for the next big thing. It may not seem significant to others, but whatever I have been waiting for seems big to me. Whether it is something coming in the mail, an event, the end of something, or waiting for something to begin, I have been living for what happens next. In the middle of it all, I have been missing out. My daily life has been happening before me, and I am not participating. I am really good at zoning out with my phone, watching television, or anything else that keeps my attention until I receive my next buzz from what I am looking forward to. So much is happening around me. Missed opportunities because my focus has been on the wrong thing. Jesus is where my focus should be. From when I get up to when I go to sleep, I should be walking with him. Here is where life is.
It’s been painful. I am not good at being present in daily life. I am not good being still. But if I don’t break the cycle of always waiting for the next big thing, I am going to miss out on my own life. I don’t want to do that anymore.
When I am focused on Jesus, I am not always wondering what my purpose is, or looking for fulfillment. All of this rests in him. It might seem too good to be true, or too simple; but from my experience I have not found it elsewhere. I do have dreams and goals that I hope to accomplish, but my purpose is to live my daily life with Jesus.
I am not perfect at doing this, but I feel that each day I get better at it. Like with any other habit, the more you put it into practice, the more it becomes part of your life. He is what I have always been looking for.
I’m not sure where you are at, but I’d encourage you to start involving Jesus more in your every day life. Life is best lived with Jesus. Learn to be present in your daily life with him.