#Momfessions: A Mother’s Day Confessional

Happy early Mother’s Day! Being a mom myself, I am sure I am not the only one who would say how hard it can be. I think sometimes we just need a place to come clean, and be real. So I just wanted to get a couple things off of my chest about how I really feel about what comes with being a mom. (Hopefully you know I am joking with some of this. 😋)

1. I say “shut up” to my kids under my breath sometimes, even when I have told them not to use those words. Sometimes I just can’t handle the crazy!

2. Most of the time I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants with this parenting stuff.

3. I’m probably not what you would call a  “comforting” mom. I honestly have to work at it. Usually I just want to tell my kids to get up and brush it off, and you’ll be fine.

4. It can be so hard not to compare myself to other moms. Especially with social media. I see others who seem like they are doing things so much better than me. Why can’t I be like that?

5. I’m not gonna lie, I yell. I usually forget when I am in public, and look like the crazy frazzled mom I really am. Clearly my patience needs work.

6. My kids have worn me down over the years. Things I would have sworn I would never do as a mom, I probably totally do now. The more kids you have, the more tired you get.

7. I am a control freak. There are instances where my husband doesn’t help me with the kids, and it is probably because of my own doing.  I know how to do it the way I want it, and of course no one does it better than me.

8. I love to know what is going on with my kids, but sometimes I just don’t want to listen. Especially when it is a topic I have no interest in what-so-ever. Usually I just ride it out, but I could go without knowing more about Minecraft.

9. I swear my kids say “mom” every 2 seconds. Pretty sure they don’t need to. Somehow it’s never “dad” even when I am in the shower or bathroom.

10. I hate crafts. I have never been good at art. I don’t try to be either. Coloring or playdough is about as much as we do. Although we do have sidewalk chalk and water colors around here too.

11. I love my kids, but I am not a fan of baking with them. I love to cook/bake, and I prefer to do it myself. My patience level to teach them is sometimes not there. I’d rather just do it myself and get it done.

12. I’d love to say I have thick skin when my kids say unkind things to me, but I have to admit it does hurt my feelings sometimes. It can feel like such an unappreciated role as a mom. And I do want to know they are thankful for the things I do.

With all this being said, good and bad, I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything. My kids are the best job I have ever had. I can’t imagine life without them. They push me to my limit, but they have helped me grow in so many ways.

Jesus, thank you for all moms and mom figures out there. Give us wisdom on how to do our roles well. Thank you that you never leave us alone in this, and show us the blessing we have raising our kids. Amen.

To The Weary Mom

To all the weary moms out there:

I wanted to write you a quick note to remind you of some things. Parenting can be hard and sometimes we just need to be encouraged. So read this, and remember you are not alone in this thing called motherhood!

When you don’t feel seen, remember that Jesus sees you. It seems there is always an endless list of things that need to be done; a lot of small and hard things that are usually done without any recognition. Do those things for Jesus. He does notice. You have a purpose in him. He loves you, don’t forget!

When you feel lonely, remember Jesus is always with you. It can be hard when there are only small people around you all day. Taking care of kids can be time consuming, leaving not much time to do anything else. Start a continuous conversation with Jesus. Talk with him throughout the day. He is there. It can be so good for the soul to talk to him. And don’t give up reaching out to your friends. They might feel the same way. Make time to hang out. You will be glad you did.

When you feel overwhelmed, step back and take a deep breath. Lock yourself in the bathroom for a moment if you need to. 😉 Pray and ask Jesus to remind you that he will give you strength. You don’t have to carry the weight alone. You weren’t meant to. It can all seem like it can’t be done, but give yourself some grace. Do what you can today. Have realistic expectations, some things can wait.

When you feel hurt, tell Jesus how you are feeling. It is okay to admit your feelings have been hurt. Sometimes our kids can say mean things. We can’t be their friend all the time and shouldn’t try. Remember they might just be trying to get a reaction or attention. They need a place to be loved for the whole person they are. That doesn’t mean you deserve to be beaten down though. Ask Jesus to help you process, forgive your child, and remember where your worth comes from. From the unconditional love of Jesus.

When you feel out of control, just remember that you aren’t in the first place. It’s hard not to want to control everything. It can be scary sending our kids out into the world, or not knowing what the future holds. But this I do know, Jesus has it all under control. And he is trustworthy. There has never been a time he hasn’t been in control. He wants what is best for us and our families. Admit to him your control issues, and ask him to help you trust him. You will have more peace this way.

When you feel worn out, ask Jesus for some rest and extra energy. Take care of yourself. Ask for help from your spouse or a friend. No one will know you need help unless you ask. It’s okay to let others know you need something. It’s not a sign of weakness to rely on others. That’s the way it should be.

When you feel like you aren’t good enough, don’t believe it for a second. You are completely loved and accepted by Jesus. I know it is hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when mainly all we see on social media is the good stuff. But I can guarantee those moms are just like you, and they don’t have it all together either. The minute you notice you are wishing you were like someone else, ask Jesus to remind you how loved you are by him. Then thank him for the unique ways he has made you, and for all that he has given you. Comparison will always be a trap that will constantly leave you wanting more.

Just know how important your job is, even though there might be rough spots along the way. Take a moment to rest, and then get back up again. Don’t quit! Jesus is always there to help you, guide you and give you strength. You can do this!

The Problem With Crossing My Arms (In Church)

I love to cross my arms. I’m not sure what it is, but it makes me feel comfortable. It seems so awkward to just leaving my arms hang down. I’ve never really noticed a problem with this until recently.

I attend church every single Sunday usually (and not just because I am a pastor’s wife.😉) At the beginning and end of each service we sing songs to worship Jesus. He is worthy of it. Everyone has their own way of getting into it. You might see some raising their hands, others might be closing their eyes, or just standing and singing. There is really no wrong way to worship the Lord, as long as your heart is right before him.

As for me, if I’m honest, it usually depends on the mood I am in. You may see me doing one of things mentioned above. But other times, I’ll stand with my arms crossed, usually out of habit.

I’ve never thought of crossing my arms as a bad thing, until recently I have felt the Lord asking me to come out of my comfort zone. Standing with my arms crossed, especially as I sing on a Sunday may not seem like a big deal, but for me it has been a sign of something going on inside of me.

On several different Sundays, the Lord has brought to my attention that when I am standing like this, it sometimes can be associated with me not wanting to let go, or let something in. Like I need to protect myself. Especially at a Sunday morning service if I am not wanting to deal with life or feel, I’ve noticed that I cross my arms. It’s amazing what our body language communicates, isn’t it?

I fear Jesus is calling me to trust him or let go of something I am tightly holding on to. It seems safer to just ignore it, and protect myself.

But as I wrestle through my thoughts with him, I am reminded that he is faithful, and that I can trust him. And as a symbol of me choosing to trust Jesus, I release my arms. I open my hands and give over control. He was worthy of it all along.

Something about this is so freeing. There is no wrong way to raise your hands in worship. Sometimes my hands are just open and out to the side. But this physical act puts me in a position where I am able to release control over to Jesus, and receive what he has for me.

I’m not asking that you go crazy the next time you are at a worship service, but when the music starts, take a mental note of what your physical posture is. Are your arms crossed like mine? Are your hands busy holding on to something? It can tell you a lot about how you are doing. Even if you aren’t comfortable with raising your hands, I’d encourage you to place them at your sides. Don’t tightly close your hands, but open them in an effort to release control over to Jesus. Then sing and praise him with all that you are because he is worthy of it. And so much more.

Confessions From An Introvert

I have a confession to make, I am an introvert. Not that there is anything wrong with it. It’s part of who I am. What can be wrong about it though is that I tend to use it as an excuse to cover up something I fear: rejection. Particularly in relationships.

I’m not exactly sure what has played into this fear, or where it comes from. But lately I have been realizing that because of this fear, I often hold back a lot of who I am from others. If someone gets too close, it strikes up a sort of panic in me. What if they reject me?

Jesus is slowly helping me release this fear to him, showing me that I need to trust him.

If I want to have close relationships, I am going to have to put myself out there. I can’t let the fear control me. I need to place my fears and relationships at the feet of Jesus, and ask him to help me. And any rejection from the past, or that I will experience in the future, I need to give over to him. I want him to help me process it in a healthy way so it doesn’t lead to bitterness. My worth is in him. He is my foundation. I can make an effort in these imperfect relationships because he is with me.

I don’t want to do life alone. I want to have close friends to do it with. It is the way Jesus meant for us to do life, in community.

What are some ways you might be hindering your relationships? What fears do you hold onto? Confess them to Jesus, and let him take over. ❤️

A Letter To Single Me

Dear Single Me,

I remember when you were a little girl, and the dreams you had of meeting the right man and getting married. It was so exciting to think about what your story would hold, and how it would play out as you grew up. But as I look back on it all now, there are some things I wish you could have known, that would have been so beneficial to know then.

I wish you would have known that singleness is not a bad thing. I remember you feeling like being in a relationship was some how going to make you feel whole, even if it was the wrong one. Dating people was not a bad thing, but I wish you would have been more careful with how much of yourself you shared with others, and taken time more time to heal instead of jumping from one relationship to the next.  You might of avoided a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain. Boys were never going to take the place of Jesus. Neither would being physical with someone. But you have learned from those mistakes, and you are a better person because of what you learned.

I am grateful that you learned to eventually trust that Jesus with who your future spouse would be. It was hard when you were dating to not let your mind get carried away with plans for the future. It was so much fun to think about the potential. But sometimes there was this nudge that you felt when dating, like this might not be the right situation. You would hold on to it at first trying to keep control, but then in obedience you would let go of the relationship, and trust that he would bring the right person at the right time. And eventually he did.

It was hard to not listen to what the world and culture said about relationships. I wish you would have had higher standards at some points. And to know that there is a reason Jesus designed certain things for marriage. Any choices made can affect your marriage in the future. But you have learned and continue to heal. God’s design is so beautiful.

I would also tell you because of Jesus there is grace. You will make mistakes. I know sometimes being a perfectionist you can be a little hard on yourself, but give yourself some grace as well. In the end, Jesus can take those mistakes and use them for good.

I wish you would have learned first that Jesus is the most important one to have a relationship with. Even since you got married, you have had to learn the hard way that your husband will never be able to meet all your needs. God was faithful to provide a great man and marriage has been a blessing to you. Though he is the most important person to you, Jesus needs to be more important. But I love that now you have learned that, and now you can grow in your love of Jesus. He is always there for you, he will never leave you. And he was there in the past when you were hurt in relationships that didn’t work out. Continue to walk with him in everything, and don’t let go of him.

And for anyone else who would Iisten and is single right now, I would say this… Jesus is more than enough. I wish I would have enjoyed the time that I had more when it was just me. You lack nothing when you are single, don’t let people tell you otherwise. Just brush off the question of why you don’t have a significant other. Live your life now to the fullest. Commitments later in life may also keep you from doing certain things you can do now. I know it is hard to hear this, but I really wish I would have listened. I wouldn’t have worried so much about finding someone to marry if I would have trusted that Jesus had my best interests in mind. He has never let me down. Never.

With Love,

Becky

Longing For Connection

If I am honest, I would say close friendships are something I long for on a daily basis.

In my case, staying at home with kids can sometimes be lonely, making it easy to feel sorry for myself. Wishing that someone would invite me to hang out. That someone else would initiate something with me.

But lately I feel like the Lord has been calling me out of my walls that I protect myself in, and asking me to trust him. Asking me to risk feeling rejected, and initiate with others. Because if I am going to have these friendships that I want, I am going to have to put myself out there. I am going to have to step outside of what feels comfortable, and trust Jesus. He will be there with me through the whole process. When I feel awkward, or misunderstood. Relationships might not go how I think they should. I can walk with him through all the messiness. I don’t have to be jealous when others hang out because, he knows how I need to connect with others. He will bring the opportunities for me.

But I am going to need to step out.

It may be uncomfortable, but I won’t get the relationships and closeness that I want or that Jesus has for me if I don’t take the initiative.

Be brave. He will walk with you through this as well. You can trust him.

 

Me Too

My heart has been heavy lately. There has been so much sexual assault/harassment/abuse in the news lately. So many coming forward with their stories. The hashtag #metoo has been on social media with others speaking out as well. Sometimes you might not realize how something has affected you until you hear someone else’s story.

I am fortunate that I can say that I have never been a victim of sexual assault. But harassment has been part of my story. I can think of a couple different scenarios that have happened to me.

In high school I remember being in the library sitting at a table with some other students. Another male sitting at our table asked if we were able to do something. I was curious. He asked if “I could touch my  elbows together behind my back?” I didn’t quite understand why he wondered, but tried to do it anyway. As I tried my best to complete this challenge, the guys around me burst out laughing. I didn’t realize the trick was on me. This whole thing was just to get the girls to stick their boobs out even more. I was humiliated. I felt dumb for not realizing it was a joke, but also felt violated. This is only one instance out of the few that have happened.

I love to run. Especially outside. But every now and then, there have been individuals who drive by who will yell or do some sort of cat call out the window as they pass me. I usually just ignore it, but deep down it makes me feel dirty, and worth only what the size my chest is. It makes me want to cover up with 4 layers, and 6 sports bras just so my boobs don’t bounce as much.

These are just a couple of situations I have unfortunately experienced. So why do I share this? There are a couple reasons.

1. I believe to heal, sometimes we need to share what we have been through. As I watched the news this morning, I thought about what happened to me in high school. I asked Jesus, “have I really even asked you to heal me from this?” I don’t think I have. And when we don’t receive healing that Jesus can give, it can affect every other area of our lives. I want to live in freedom, not in bondage and hiding.

2. Others can benefit from sharing our stories. I can bring healing to others as well. It’s a wonderful thing to know you aren’t alone. We can help each other get through the hard things. And also introduce hurting people to the loving, healing power of Jesus. Don’t be silent. Get help. Even if it’s just sharing with one other person.

3. I want other women to know how priceless they are. That in this over-sexualized society, you are more than what your body can offer. It can be so hard to see that through all messages we get sent, especially if something bad happens to us. And I am so sorry if it has. There is no excuse for it. But it does not give you your value. Jesus does. Don’t believe the lies, and rest in who Jesus says you are. That you are loved more than you can even imagine. You were worth dying for. No one else was created like you.

4. If you happen to be looking for a man. Find one who respects you. They are out there, and they are worth waiting for. I was fortunate to find one who treasures me. And I want to raise my sons that way as well. To respect women and treat them well. But in the end, there should be mutual respect on both sides.

If you are out there and hurting, please don’t hesitate to receive healing. You don’t have to live with the lies anymore. Jesus is near, and wants to make you whole.

Let’s heal together. I know that I want to.

Where Hope Is

When I woke up this morning, I was devastated to hear the news of a shooting in Las Vegas. It seems like more and more we are hearing about tragedies and horrible things happening in our world. Like many others I am sure, I keep wondering why these things happen, and when will it end.

I was talking with the Lord, and just thinking about where I have been placing my hope lately. As I was doing this, some of the words from Revelation 21:4 came to my mind. This verse says:

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away.”  

I wrote by this verse that, “we have hope.” The way things are now will not last. It will come to an end. Death will be gone forever. Pain, crying, and terrible tragedies will never happen again. All the horrible things that happen now will not happen forever. They will end!

It is hard to wait. I wonder and ask the Lord many times when is he coming. I cry out to him and ask that it would be soon. We need him. This world is suffering in the state it is in.

Just know there is an end. We are promised that. The Lord has said it will happen, and things will become what he intended it to be. We will live with Jesus. He is coming back.

But for right here, right now, cling to Jesus in the moments of pain and the unknown. Trust he knows what he is doing. Tell him how you are feeling. Pray for others who are hurting, and reach out and help. I know I need to walk with him in these moments more myself. He can bring his peace into our lives in the midst of this turbulent world.

Remember he knows what we are going through, he has experienced suffering himself.  

Our hope is in Jesus, and one day he is coming back to make things right again.

The Naked Truth

I was listening to the radio on the way home the other day when a song caught my attention. Most of the time the radio is for background noise, but this time was different. I noticed the words, “strip it down for me” in this particular song, telling a woman to take her clothes off.

The more I thought about it, the more these words started to bother me. It is just a song, but the words I heard are an example of our culture taking something sacred that was created to take place within a marriage, and turning it into something to be shared with any random person. Our naked bodies being handed out without even thinking of what the consequences might be. Without any regard to the harm it can do if we don’t handle ourselves with care. It shouldn’t be this way. We should care about modesty, and keep certain parts of our body private. Saving this gift for marriage.

As a woman, it is important to know how much we are valued and loved. Jesus has made each one of us (men and women) unique, unlike anyone else. He loved us enough to die for us.  Being that he created us, he knows what is best for us. He created sex between a man and woman to give us an example of what it is like to be in perfect relationship. Similar to what the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have. To fully know each other. Hiding nothing.

Sex and physical intimacy should be handled with care. Not to be taken lightly. I wish I could stand in front of every woman and tell them that they are worth waiting for. That any man who wants to be with you should respect you, not tell you to “strip it down for him” if you want to be loved. It doesn’t work that way. It may not make sense to this culture we live in, but the Lord has reasons for his ways. And that his ways are best. I speak from experience.

I wish I would have listened to this advice. It’s one thing to hear it, but another to follow it. Being a girl who didn’t fully understand how much the Lord loved me, I sought it out other ways. Boyfriends and men were who I sought approval from. Standards slip when you don’t know your worth. But when I got the attention I was seeking, the high didn’t last long. Once again, I would feel hollow. What I had put forth of myself wasn’t worth it. There was more regret than anything else.

Looking back, I only wish I would have known the love Jesus has for me. That his plans are better.

Being married for more than 10 years now, I can look back and identify the mistakes that were made and how I might have changed the way I acted. But the biggest thing for me now is not regret or shame, but the love and redemption Jesus gives me. He makes me whole, and can take things I have done wrong and use them for good.

The most beautiful part though is experiencing that kind of intimacy in the setting he created for it. For a much higher purpose. 

Above all know Jesus loves you, mistakes and all. You are never too far from his grace and redemption. He can make you whole. He will show you that you are worth more than your physical body. He made it so that we could experience that kind of pleasure, but in the way he planned it. 

Don’t doubt his love for you. Claim it for yourself today, and let his redeeming power take over. ❤️

The Struggle Is Real

If you are a parent you can probably relate to this situation. Getting your kid to do what you want them to do. 

Today, I was sitting on our front porch while the kids played outside. One of them caught my attention when he was doing something he and I both knew he wasn’t supposed to. I immediately told him to stop doing what he was doing. Being stubborn, he of course hesitated a moment before doing what I asked. I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise as I knew it bothered me that he did not respond the instant I said something. Stopping to gather my thoughts for a second, I wondered why I was getting so worked up. Then the Lord revealed something to me. I noticed the struggle I was feeling for control. I couldn’t fully control what my child was going to do, as much as I wish I could of. He probably wanted that control just as much as I did. I began to wonder if this had more to do with me wanting to control my child? Or the fact that I am realizing how much I am not in control of my life at all. 

Control is something that can make us feel a false sense of security. If we know we are somehow, we might be able to predict what is next. But that is definitely not how things go. Kids grow up faster than we want them to. Life seems to fly by quicker. Someone makes a decision that we don’t like. Events in our world happen that scare us. All these things, and more bring out this tension in our personal lives. We want to be in control, when we are not. 

How do we deal with this? 

I find that when I struggle with control issues, the biggest thing I can do is this: admit that I am not in control. God is. It’s not always easy to remember, especially in the midst of trying situations, but acknowledging it is the first step.

Second, I need to ask the Lord to help me trust him.  He is completely faithful, and able to handle all that concerns me. I would be doing myself a huge favor to live in an awareness of his control. Anything that happens in my life is passed through his loving hands first. He is able to take anything that I face, and use it to mold me into the person he wants me to be. Ultimately for his glory, and my best interest. 

And third, I need to learn to identify when I am most tempted to try and grab onto control in my life again.  In the types of situations that might be scary, or I may not know the end result are areas to be aware of. Knowing this, I can stop and release control over to Jesus again before moving any further with my day. 

Above all, there is no reason not to release control of our lives over to Jesus. He is worthy. Everything exists because of him. Nothing happens without him knowing about it. Anxiety, fear, and worry can tempt us to try and hold on to what isn’t even under our control in the first place.  

Throughout life there will always be the temptation to hold on to control. The question is, who will we let have control? 

May we rest in Jesus, and relinquish control over to him.