It is amazing the way the Lord will bring things about in my life sometimes. And this post has to do with what some of that is right now. Partially therapeutic too. 🙂
For no particular reason, when I was at our church bookstore the other day I picked up a copy of Beth Moore’s book Breaking Free. I am not sure what in particular drew me to it, but I am glad that I bought it. I have started reading the book, but haven’t gotten too far in it yet (so you won’t hear much about it here). But as I have begun to read it, the Lord has started to reveal some areas in my life that I feel are holding me captive. And they pretty much both have to do with my physical appearance.
The first area is with the clothes I wear. I love clothes, and fashion in general. And not that there is anything wrong with that, but it is more of when my outfits become something I am trying to get my worth from. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, so combined with trying to find my worth with how I look can be horrible for my soul. When I am not looking to Jesus for my significance, I become obsessed with trying to find an outfit that will make me “feel good” about myself. Not gonna lie, sometimes there will be days when I change like 4 or 5 times just because I am not satisfied with how I look. I have even gone to the extent of throwing clothes in the wash that are clean, because I don’t want the option to change anymore if somehow what I am wearing won’t be good enough after a bit. This is crazy! I pretty much will go through this cycle over and over again until I am completely worn out emotionally. I have pretty much grown so tired of this, that I am ready for a change (not of clothes though). 🙂 This is no way to live each day, and is a total waste of my time.
The second area is my weight. I despise scales, and again struggle with my perfectionism with it. I went to have a physical the other day, and of course was asked to step on one. Are we ever the weight we think we are? Of course the number was more than I expected, which was disappointing. Granted I am older than I once was, and have had a couple kids, so my body isn’t the same as it used to be. But because of that number, I felt like I was worth less somehow. I know there probably areas I could change like eating a little healthier. But what can I say, I love my food. 🙂 I don’t want anyone to mistake me here, there isn’t anything wrong with the size that I am now. But I think we all have unrealistic expectations of ourselves at times. And honestly our culture doesn’t help anything either. I can say that I probably have been jealous from looking through a magazine and seeing a perfect image, or so our culture tells us. I have come to the point now where I want to lay these burdens down at the feet of Jesus and ask for the freedom that only He gives.
So what is my plan of action then?
I think that I am definitely going to continue reading the book I was talking about above, since it kinda goes with my little theme here. 🙂 But seriously, I think this is something that will always be an area that I struggle with….but I just don’t want it to control me.
One of the biggest ways for me to overcome things lately has been trying to intentionally include the Lord in on every part of my day. It’s not that He isn’t present already, but I can’t tell you how huge this has been for my relationship with the Lord lately. By acknowledging Him, I find myself more content in each situation. By spending time with Him, I begin to realize how important I am to Him, and how satisfying to my soul He is. Those other ways that I was going to before become less important to look to. And when I do find myself going toward those things that just entangle me, I will try to remember to call out to the one who saves.
Scripture is another way I want to use to overcome this as well. Some verses that have stuck out to me lately are Isaiah 61: 1-4, which Beth Moore talks about in her book……..
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord ’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities destroyed long ago. They will revive them, though they have been deserted for many generations.” (NLT)
I love these verses. I love where it talks about giving “comfort to the brokenhearted and to proclaim that the captives will be released and the prisoners will be freed.” God has a heart to see us free from the things that entangle us. I pray He will continue to show me how to move forward from captivity.
And lastly, I am going to ask the Lord for help in creating a healthier lifestyle. Honestly food can be something I run to for comfort. I don’t want to deprive myself of things that are sweet, but I just don’t want them to be something that I use to satisfy me either. I want the Lord to meet me in those areas I need to be comforted in. Everything in moderation right? 😉
I honestly am no pro at things like this. But I do know that the Lord is faithful, and will help carry me through things like this. I long for the freedom that He can give. I believe we can all unfortunately be held captive to something in our lives. Ask the Lord what it might be for you, and what are you going to do about it?