So it is confession time…..and I figured blogging might be my therapeutic way of dealing with it. 🙂 Because it seems sometimes when you share things, the weight is lifted and you feel much better. Plus I hope sometimes someone else can benefit from what I share.
It seems like I am always my own worst critic. Today was one of those days. I don’t think it would have mattered if I looked my best, was having a good day, etc. Nothing was satisfying me. My thoughts were all over the place, and honestly mostly negative. Being an introvert, I do a lot of thinking and processing through things. So my thoughts can definitely be a battle to control, especially when my mind is wandering, and I am not really aware of my thought process. When this starts to happen, internally I almost start beating myself up with my thoughts. I will obsess over the littlest thing that doesn’t matter. I get frustrated with myself for not measuring up to standards that are unreachable. My mood changes for the worse. I feel depressed, anxious, not good enough, misunderstood, crazy……I could go on and on.
This afternoon I began to really get annoyed with the way I was feeling. I was obsessing over what to wear, not content with any outfit I put on. I could also tell my mood was starting to control how I was treating my kids. I finally prayed and asked the Lord for help. Then a segment of bible verse popped into my head, but I couldn’t remember where it was at. I have been going through Philippians lately, so I started looking through that book. I came across Philippians 4:8, and this Is what it says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Oh how I needed to hear this today. And crazy to think I have been going through this book of the bible just now.
I love how Paul tells them, “one final thing.” I feel like he is saying this is important and don’t forget this, because it will be useful. Then he tells them “fix” your thoughts on these things. Which I literally googled. 🙂 Here is the definition that was given….
“fasten (something) securely in a particular place or position.” Or, “direct one’s eyes, attention, or mind steadily or unwaveringly toward.”
And then Paul lists what to fix our thoughts on, things that are “true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.” He also says, “think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” I seriously wonder how many times a day I actually think about things like this. I fully believe my thoughts are what can start me off in a good or bad direction. If I am not aware of what I am fixing my thoughts on, it can easily turn into a train wreck. My thoughts dictate how my day will go, choices I will make, opinions I will have, and how I react. How easy it is to have a small thought that may seem innocent, then planted in my head that can wreak havoc on my soul. This was the perfect example of what was happening to me today. Because I was not controlling where my mind went, I was trying to find my worth by how I thought I looked. But since nothing was good enough, changing 10 times would not solve my problem. It only made things worse.
I think today was a little bit of a wake-up call for me. I tend to go through the a lot of the day, not even trying to control where my thoughts go. And I believe it does affect my outlook on things, my relationship with the Lord and others, and how I live my life. Today, I wrote this verse out, and placed it on my mirror. I want it to be a constant reminder to be aware of where my thoughts are going. Because I want to think of things that Paul mentions in those verses. Something that is true, like how much the Lord loves me. Something that is honorable, like the sacrifice Christ made for me. Something that is right, like when we treat others like Christ told us to. Something that is pure, like how we as believers are seen because of what Christ did. Something that is lovely, like creation all around us. Something that is admirable, like when I see an example of another Christ follower that I want to be like. And something excellent and worthy of praise, which is everything about God Himself. I want these things to be on my mind, so that the things that I think about will overflow into my life. So that others can see Christ in me. So I don’t have to try and find other ways to satisfy my soul. Because if I focus my mind on the things this world tells me, it will only lead to destruction. My prayer is that I would focus my thoughts on the One who all the words in Philippians 4:8 describe. I hope that this resonates with others as well……