Can I be completely honest with you? I struggle most days to get out of bed. It’s no secret that my depression has a little to do with it, but I don’t think that is the only reason. On a daily basis it is easy for me to wonder what my purpose is. I am very blessed by the life that I have. I am married to a wonderful husband, we have 4 amazing kids, and I get the privilege to stay at home full-time. Even after all of that, I still struggle with purpose. I want to share a little of what Jesus has been teaching me through all of this.
Isn’t it exciting when you have something to look forward to? The anticipation of what is coming is one of my favorite things. Waiting can seem long, but then whatever it is I was waiting for is finally here! Then in a flash it is either gone, over, or the excitement wears off because I already have what I was waiting for. Instead of appreciating what I received or experienced, I usually am looking around to see what else I have to look forward to. The next big thing.
If it wasn’t clear enough, there is a pattern. I have been spending years living for the next big thing. It may not seem significant to others, but whatever I have been waiting for seems big to me. Whether it is something coming in the mail, an event, the end of something, or waiting for something to begin, I have been living for what happens next. In the middle of it all, I have been missing out. My daily life has been happening before me, and I am not participating. I am really good at zoning out with my phone, watching television, or anything else that keeps my attention until I receive my next buzz from what I am looking forward to. So much is happening around me. Missed opportunities because my focus has been on the wrong thing. Jesus is where my focus should be. From when I get up to when I go to sleep, I should be walking with him. Here is where life is.
It’s been painful. I am not good at being present in daily life. I am not good being still. But if I don’t break the cycle of always waiting for the next big thing, I am going to miss out on my own life. I don’t want to do that anymore.
When I am focused on Jesus, I am not always wondering what my purpose is, or looking for fulfillment. All of this rests in him. It might seem too good to be true, or too simple; but from my experience I have not found it elsewhere. I do have dreams and goals that I hope to accomplish, but my purpose is to live my daily life with Jesus.
I am not perfect at doing this, but I feel that each day I get better at it. Like with any other habit, the more you put it into practice, the more it becomes part of your life. He is what I have always been looking for.
I’m not sure where you are at, but I’d encourage you to start involving Jesus more in your every day life. Life is best lived with Jesus. Learn to be present in your daily life with him.
My Life as Me 
Dear Mrs. Weber! Your sharing is very well said! And, it also reaffirms we are not alone in our suffering. I used to think, if there is a God, why would He allow us to suffer? Only to learn that in suffering we are made perfect, cleansed and healed of all that we acquired through life’s tribulations, cultural traditions and ancestry’s teaching that keep us in the dark from knowing the Gospel making us flawless; preparing us for the Holy Spirit. James 1:2-6 His ways are not of this world. Ephesians 4:14-15 For He is a God of love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control and faithfulness. Galatians 5:22-23; 1 John 4:1-21
Ms Weber, it seems you have found your calling! Not every woman can stay home full-time and raise their children! You are Truly BLESSED. For the hierarchy of God…(1) God (2) Family (3) Career/Church Ministry. For what good is serving the Church Ministry when the family is suffering parental guidance or not being fed God’s word? Proverbs 22:6
Have you read Proverbs 31? It is God’s ideal spouse! My daughter at 17 years of age made me the most wonderful gift…a labor of love! She honored me with excerpts from Proverbs 31. It was truly amazing! When my kids were younger, I would include them in volunteer activities within the community and church. Mind you, I didn’t know I was planting the seeds of kindness in their hearts.
You bring God’s gift, a child, into the world. It is our responsibility to love and guide them with God’s Truth which is not of this world. And, we do it with no expectation in return. I was stricken with Chronic depression & chemical imbalance. I was a total wreck, no longer the daughter or wife my children or ex-husband sought. I was a very religious woman, I could no longer pray. I became very clingy and dependent upon my husband. Something, he never experienced from me, and did not want anything of. My daughter guided me, “Mom, depend on God not dad. Mom, depend on God not dad.” My oldest son shared, “Mom, be proactive. We love you unconditionally. Then, my youngest, “Mom, focus on what you taught us.” I eventually sought God. “Jesus help me, please.” Those were the only words I could pray. I focused on those words throughout the day until I was able to pray & back to reading Scriptures. It was a long journey of tribulations, but God is Wonderful no matter what comes our way.
My daughter & youngest son are now married and practicing Christianity, as well as my oldest son who is now a master fitness trainer. I now have seven grandchildren! They all enjoy serving God the Father, and touching the hearts of others leading them to the Truth. As for myself, I’m finally healed. However, the illness took the best of me. Unfortunately, after 35 years I am no longer married.
I truly found being a parent the best opportunity a woman can have. And, if they are not able to birth a child, there is always adoption, being a wonderful aunt, a wonderful friend by loving that friend’s child, or fostering a child. The possibilities of women using their natural instinct of motherhood are endless!
Mrs. Weber, may you continue to enjoy your life with your family, teaching them the ways of God through the Scriptures. May you and your husband pray devoutly and read Scripture daily placing the armor or God to protect you from the evil forces that roam this earth ruining innocent souls. Lastly, love like you’ve never been hurt for it never fails. Joshua 1:8; Ephesians 6;11-20; 1 Thessalonians 5:16; 1 Corinthians 13:8
Love, Maria