Purpose and What It Looks Like

Sometimes you think you know what the Lord wants for you, and then can somehow be completely wrong. But then He tells you something that makes you wonder why you tried it your way instead of His. That is how I came to where I am right now.

Staying at home with my kids right now is definitely where I mainly feel called to at this moment in my life. Even in the tough moments, there isn’t anywhere else I would want to be right now. But I know my kids won’t be young forever, so the planner in me wanted to get started preparing for the future.

A couple years ago, I thought I felt a strong urge from the Lord to get my masters in counseling. I have a heart for ministering to women in particular, and to see people be real and deal with problems in their own lives. Much of this stemming from areas that I have had to grow in, was what motivated me to pursue this. I thought it was an obvious choice to spend my time working toward this goal for my future. It would be such a great way to live out my calling when my kids were grown, and I would have more time. Seemed like the best option to me at the time…..

As I started taking courses, I really enjoyed learning again and it something to get me out of the house part-time. But as I got into my 4th semester, I started to panic a little. I could handle the classes, but now was the time when I would start supervised therapy as well. Not realizing how much extra time would need to be put in, I started to wonder how I was going to do it all. On top of me going to school, I still was at home with the kids, plus this was when Embrace was starting a 4th service. Life was getting a little too crazy. I thought and prayed about it and after two days of classes, I decided to put my education on hold and just only be home for now. I was so torn about the decision, but I didn’t want to lose the precious time that I have to make an impact on my kids while they are home. So as of February 2013, my schooling was put on hold.

Although I was definitely relieved to have less commitments, it was hard to give up on a dream I had. Not that it was totally taken away from me, because it is possible to go back later when my kids are older, but I felt like something that I was so excited about was ripped out of my hands. The one thing I had to bring some sanity to my life wasn’t there anymore. So I did struggle with feeling like there was no purpose at that point. Even though I feel like my calling to stay at home is so important, I struggle to believe the Lord has my best interests in mind.

I will admit, jealousy is something that can get ahold of me. My husband is so good at what he does, and I am so proud of him for following what the Lord has for him. But it definitely comes with sacrifice. It is hard to remember that we are called together as a couple to our church, not just him alone. Seeing the things that he gets to do, although it might not all be as glamorous as I think, sometimes makes it hard to be satisfied staying at home. And feeling like all I do is wipe rears, and clean can make me feel invisible, even though it might not be the truth. Somehow I thought if I was getting my counseling degree, it would be helping me achieve more purpose than what I was doing now.

I don’t remember specifically when, but there was a point when I was really sick of my duties at home, and I was just wondering why I didn’t get to live the purpose filled life as a student right now to achieve my calling. 🙂 I was really wrestling with the Lord, and I just kept on asking Him what He wanted for my life, and why did I feel so disappointed with not being in school. It was then that I thought I heard Him say quietly to my spirit, “Why do you think being a counselor is the only way you can make a difference?” It was like He had reached to the deepest part of my soul, and revealed an ugly lie that I was believing. Why did I feel like being a counselor is the only way I am going to make an impact? He is God, the Creator of all things. The One who has overcome death to be with me, and yet I thought I needed a counseling degree to somehow make myself good enough to make an impact? Huge reality check. I was believing in my own abilities, rather than His. That realization lead me to look at things completely different.

It is so interesting how things can line up exactly with what you are going through. I went to hear Beth Moore this weekend, and everything she said related so well with where I am. She talked about “Birthing Purpose” and used the story of Moses from Exodus 2. It was interesting how she mentioned that sometimes we know what our purpose is, but might try and do it by our own means, instead of the way God would have it. That is exactly how my situation has played out. I know what I am passionate about, but I think I know how I need to do it. Like His way isn’t good enough. I need to plan it on my own. Not that going back to school isn’t an option for the future. But I don’t think it is what the Lord has for me right now. Instead I am going to choose the way He has my purpose planned out instead, and see what that will bring.

This is why I am so excited for this fall. For a couple years now, I have had this deep longing to have a place where women can come together, be real, and learn to how to walk with the Lord more in everyday life. For me, I know I long to have deeper friendships with other females, and learn how we can come alongside each other for support instead of tearing each other down. So this fall I am going to start a small group at Embrace that will meet once a month on a Tuesday evening. Although it may not necessarily be small, I am hoping any woman from any walk of life will feel welcome to come. Unity is something that is hard to find I believe among women. We will have some sort of teaching for the first part of the group, and then after that we will break into small groups if needed and discuss what we have learned that evening.

There are a couple things I hope to accomplish specifically with this group…..

1. My hope is this would be a group where women feel comfortable letting barriers down, and share what is really going on. I feel a lot of conversations that take place during the day are sometimes just small talk. Although it isn’t necessarily bad, this specific group will be a safe place to feel like you can share things going on with you that you might not be comfortable sharing elsewhere. It will be somewhere that what is shared there, stays there.

2. As a group we will try and throw off being judgmental toward others. We all are sinful and struggle with something.

3. We will learn how to have more Christ-centered relationships with each other as women. I think things like jealousy, comparing ourselves to others, etc. can prevent us from coming alongside and encouraging one another. What if we could get past all these things and really feel what community is. I would love more of this in my life.

4. I hope we can learn to really listen and be slow to speak. Even learn to speak truth into someone else’s life that is grace filled.

5. Above all, that we would come away from this group closer to Jesus. Understanding more each time how much we are loved by Him. And continuing to grow in knowledge of this, so we can live radiating this love to others.

I am really excited about starting this group, and am praying the Lord uses it in a big way. It will start on Sept. 17th and be from 7-9pm or so. I am hoping to share the first night. Then the months following I hope we can get into some things that might not be dealt with in a normal setting with a group of women. Those things that don’t get talked about. Or really digging into the Word and seeing what it has to say about some of the things women deal with.

Although I might of been wrong about how the Lord wanted to use me for His purpose right now, I am excited for this direction that He is leading me in. Maybe I will go back to school someday, but for now I am pretty content where He has me. I am believing and stepping out in faith with this group. Believing that He has great plans for it.

Published by becweber

Hi! So glad that you stopped by! My name is Becky, I am a Jesus follower, wife to a pastor, and mom to 4 kids. I am a writer and a speaker. I have a heart to minister specifically to women. I want to encourage others to walk with Jesus on a daily basis, because I believe this is life-changing. I desire to be myself, imperfections and all. I believe that being authentic is the best to relate to others. I love coffee, exercising, shopping for deals, and connecting with friends one on one when I can. Feel free to browse through my site, and I hope it encourages you!

One thought on “Purpose and What It Looks Like

  1. This is really exciting, Becky! I love hearing how God used this last weekend in people’s lives. I have been feeling a lot of the same things toward the women of our church. I look forward to seeing the way God uses you and the formation of this group to make an impact on our ladies. I hope it becomes a “must do” thing for (e)women! Count me in!

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